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A slightly older man, who came up to Taggie's shoulders, and who seemed less inebriated than the rest, said he was the club secretary and asked if he could help. 'For Chrissake, Maud,' she screeched, 'you can't let the cast and the audience down. Can't you wait till the Spring and go to Paris? Maud and I went to Paris. We've won a lot of awards over the last few years.

Dame Enid picked it up. 'The last straw was axing his interview with Paisley. 'The next moment Aengus shot into the kitchen, tail fluffed out like a lavatory brush, growling ferociously, and took refuge under the kitchen dresser. Today her short hair had been coaxed upwards in gelled spikes, like a hedgehog who'd rolled in chicken fat.

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